This is advertising for my new business idea called “Dysfunctional Wedding Party –and other life milestone events- for hire”. “And other life milestone events” is added to the title of my company as we are talking about a very flexible organization that will be traveling around not only during the wedding season but also have an offer off season and will come to your rescue for Bar Mitzvah’s, Christenings, Gold wedding celebrations and other milestone events that needs a dysfunctional family present—– just to make it all authentic.
When you find yourself planning your daughter’s wedding , and you are in need of a dysfunctional family but see that your family invitation list is a wee bit short—-“Dysfunctional Wedding Party – and other milestone events-for hire” could be the solution for your wedding celebration.
All you have to provide is a beautiful bride, a handsome groom, and we will provide the rest. Our outfit comes in many varieties and we have several package plans to choose from. Our “Week end supreme” provides everything you could imagine with the entire family, including Mother and father of the bride, divorced future in-laws that don’t speak to each other, best man, and bride of honor, grooms men, bridesmaids, cousins uncles, nephews and nieces plus a minister or priest making passes on a divorced cousin, if needed. The “Week end supreme” gives you the entire package for one small sum, or you could specialize and do an “A la carte” plan where YOU the mother or father of the bride decide just how dysfunctional you want the week end to be.Need an alcoholic uncle trying to be 20 year younger than his birth certificate? We have that. We can offer a resentful wife of an abusive husband, wide open –out of control children, overly controlled kids with nervous tendencies-you name it, and we provide it. Need a 50 plus aunt with a 20 something son to get out of control during the rehearsal party? We have that- Need the same mother son combination screaming for tequila shots after the party? You name it.
The “Week end Supreme” is the most popular solution as this provides the most value for the money you pour in to this event. The priest holding the ceremony ask if the bride and groom to love and cherish each other for the rest of their lives-“Dysfunctional Wedding Party-and other life milestone events-for hire” does not guarantee the happiness, we only guarantees the fun for the week end. “The “A la carte” package is growing in popularity, as this of course offers most flexibility. Just see what our latest customer from North Carolina said after their recent milestone event held in Asheville NC:
We had chosen -“Dysfunctional Wedding Party-and other life milestone events-for hire” for our wedding party and they never disappointed us. We chose the “A la carte” package as we needed many less than ordinary people to this important milestone event. -“Dysfunctional Wedding Party-and other life milestone events-for hire” never disappointed and kept on delivering through the entire week end. They provided everything that we needed to make this celebration special and we have nothing but rave review for the arrangements. All we provided was a beautiful Bride that hung in there all week-end, a handsome groom that said all the right things in his thank you speech Sunday after dinner. We had a frantic mother of the bride already so this was not needed and neither did we need a cool as a cucumber father of the bride so we chose the “A la carte” solution that provided more in line with what our specific needs were.. They delivered everything else we asked for – included the following: Divorced Mother and father of the groom that didn’t speak with each other. A whole cousin with family that was notoriously late, plus cousins with foul language and a dancing aunt that looked like she was out of a Jesus Christ Superstar rehearsal. They all showed us how much fun it could be, including overbearing uncles, over protecting mothers, hovering parents, ignorant fathers, and politically incorrect single aunt. They threw in some nice touches like stressful cousins that never agreed how the family picture should be taken, kids disappearing in to the woods during the cocktail and snack event – plus racing children providing stress for the hoovering mothers hoping for perfectly well behaved children that did not deliver.
The surprise throw in of over-the-age cousins from overseas was a nice and popular surprise. The fact that he also danced with the mother of the bride showed to be a nice touch. Most of the party provided stayed for the dance after the dinner, but we had asked for a smaller crowd, so the company sent the parents that had early arguments and worked harder early during the ceremony home to bed, plus some of the more hung over actors was sent back to the hotel to watch a NASCAR race on TV. -“Dysfunctional Wedding Party-and other life milestone events-for hire” never failed to deliver-They sang “The Beal’s on the bus goes round and round (in honor of the dysfunctional Beal family) on the bus to AND from the ceremony, and to and from the party afterwards as well. They all stayed somewhat together during the ceremony itself, we had asked for a late showing of the flower girls, just to make it more stressful for the mother of the bride and they delivered. The girls arrived 1 minute before the ceremony-just as asked. The participants ate more than enough food during the dinner, never passed on a drink and the bar was emptied by closing of the party—–just as requested. .
We will give our best recommendation for -“Dysfunctional Wedding Party-and other life milestone events-for hire”, and also want to mention that they even threw in an extra stressful, unexpected, but very nice touch during the ceremony. Just as it all was going smoothly, as the good looking cousin was reading from “Corinthians 13” they threw in an unsupervised little two year old child, just to see if they could irritate the foreign uncle, the hovering mothers and see if they could get the blood pressure up for the mother of the bride. They were nothing but successful-but it brought tears in all the women’s eyes.
-“Dysfunctional Wedding Party-and other life milestone events-for hire” will Twitter through the night and will become your Bride or Groom’s Facebook friends and other close relatives for that sake, just to to make it even more special. We will “like” all pictures from the event and throw in a funny comment or an “Aaaahhhhh” and “Oooohhh” for just a few extra dollars. It will be worth it
This was a Presbyterian wedding, but we do Catholic, Lutheran, and Methodist and just about anything your denomination is. If the wedding couple is Jewish, please note that if you need man to carry people on chairs during a dance, we are insured but need weight of the people being carried. We will provide men with enough power, but need advance notice. Advance notice is also requested if you need single men to hook up with any of the Bridesmaids. Yes this is not their night, but we think it does put an extra flair to the event knowing that the Bridesmaids also were not forgotten, and taken care of.
We promise that -“Dysfunctional Wedding Party-and other life milestone events-for hire” will make your party a success, we don’t promise a life of love and happiness, but we will send you off with a bang-That we promise!!!
Note: During the off season we do Bar Mitzvah’ Christenings, Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties, Engagement Parties, anniversaries and Graduations. Advance notice please.
Hasse
